Healing

If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be the bionic woman by now.


I'm spending my Sunday afternoon lying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on my hip and knee. My coach, and Dave, and all my cycling friends keep talking about how this will pass quickly, and maybe even came at an opportune time. Maybe it is opportune timing, as it is forcing me to slow down, rest, ice, contemplate, and cut myself some slack. Tomorrow I'll have to curb the insane amount of eating I am doing in the name of recovering. (but for now I'm reveling in another Nutella milkshake). I know that crashing is a virtually inevitable part of racing. But I cannot help but have a bit of anxiety about how it is going to effect the future of my season. Already anxious as to where I stand physically, I'm trying to use every ounce of my willpower to NOT obsess about how the injury and the milkshakes are sabotaging my race plans. I should probably use this energy actually healing, and not fretting.

Healing is also a very solitary activity. I have an awesome friends who entertained me in the ER, enjoyed coffee with me, and are willing to use their rest weeks to allow me to ride easy and heal. But the world trying to shower, get dressed, grocery shop, and basically motivate myself to get off the couch, I'm on my own. Only my body can heal me. And only time will allow it to do so. Soon enough I'll get back on the bike and race. And maybe this forced break will cause me to be stronger in the long run.

The visible bruises got me thinking about the non-visible ones, and how I have been able to heal my heart, mind and emotions over the past 2 years. I'm not there completely yet, but time, solitude, and just the right amount of friendly distraction has allowed me to pick up the pieces and move forward. In life, like in racing, tactical patience is key, I suppose. I've allowed myself to patiently sit in for a few years now. Resting, and seeing how it will all play out. But now it's time to make my move. And I'm lucking to have people to help me along the way.

Luckily, the latest roadrash will take me much less than 2 year to heal. So, for the time being, I will sit here on my couch and rest. And do a lot of coffee rides this week.